Punch.Drunk.Internet -

Did I say breasts? Why yes, yes I did. Oh, so now you are interested, figures. While nudity is nothing new to national television, the way in which it is presented has undergone some changes. The Discovery Channel, History Channel, even the Travel Channel have been displaying both male and female nudity for years, but it’s been over looked and forgiven because it is indigenous. But I ask you, what exactly is indigenous? Well, Merriam-Webster defines it as “having originated in and being produced, growing, living, or occurring naturally in a particular region or environment”. But what does that mean? Put simply, it means behavior or characteristics produced by surroundings.

The U.S.A. is surrounded by nations that embrace nudity, if you visit a country in Europe you may view a commercial embodied with naked females and males alike, and what are they selling? Cologne. But here in the U.S., Janet Jackson shows a decorated nipple and the our country goes crazy. But why? Are we so sexually repressed that the appearance of ‘forbidden flesh’ turns the gears of the same machine that outlawed alcohol? Luckily, no – in fact, that machine has been left in the garage and we’ve come to terms with sexual organs. Well, we’ve mostly come to terms.

For all the progression the U.S. has made in technology and science, we’re still quite far behind other nations sexually. While other countries pride themselves in sexual endeavors; we hide, hidden in closets for seven minutes at a time, and spin bottles hoping we get the cutest girl/boy at the party. By no means is it a bad thing, nor does it relate to our immaturity when dealing with naked bodies – but it does beg the question, “Why is nudity so looked down upon when it is something we seek and try so hard to view?”

You may find the answer at your nearest church, synagogue, or hut of worship. Basically, all religions shame nudity, which is odd – especially for the faiths that hail Adam and Eve (or reasonable facsimiles) for the basis of all human life – I mean really, do you think they super glued those leaves to their genitals, highly unlikely. Strangely, the U.S.’ “most feared enemy”, has a decent solution to the temptations of man. Muslim faith restricts women from being seen, full figured, in public by covering them in black cloth. The purpose of which is to not distract men from their work and daily life. However, once indoors, the Muslim women dress just as sexy, if not sexier than the ladies of the U.S. – I’m sure that many Christen and Catholic fathers have considered covering their teenaged daughters from head-to-toe in black sheets at sometime or another. But, of course, all humans are created equal – free will has a tendancy to want to be sexy, Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest at work.

Darwin was an interesting man, he made sense of things that didn’t seem to have a rhyme or reason (read: The Galapagos Islands). He examined evolution and how people like you and me came to be (yes, we evolved, it’s a fact – we were not created, designed, or wished upon the earth). Darwin’s work can be carried over to sexuality as well, the best looking people end up getting the best looking of the opposite sex. There are, in some cases, exceptions. Cases where some good-hearted bafoon gets the amazingly good looking sex-pot, but those too are explainable via Survival of the Fittest. It’s not always strength, endurance, and speed that attract a mate – in the case of humans, sometimes it’s Survival of the best Mannerisms. Being the guy that is relaxed and funny often wins out over the hot-headed fighter. Likewise, being fat and loyal wins out over sculpted and unfaithful. Mostly because the lady has had the latter, then finds the former more attractive based on prior experiences.

That’s enough notations and facts. Let’s get to the meat of the article, why you clicked on the post. Breasts. Boobs. Gazoombas. You’ve probably (hopefully) seen them before. But have you seen them, for free, on TV? Have you seen them without the History, Discovery, or Travel Channel? Can you, as U.S. citizens deal with the idea that within 10 years, naked bodies will be broadcast across the country for the purpose of selling beer, shoes, cologne, and (ironically) clothing? Fuck, I hope so. Grow up, and realize life.

Besides, breasts are good for your health, according to the New England Journal of Medicine, “Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out” declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby. That’s right, a female doctor just told you to look at breasts.

The base of all this stems from a late night viewing on Comedy Central. I’m sure you know about Comedy Central’s ground-breaking reputation. They were the first to broadcast the word “shit”, not just once, but 162 times in the It Hits the Fan episode of South Park. Well, they are pioneering yet again with the showing of mammaries whilst watching a 2am-3:30am ‘Secret Stash’ featuring Rodney Carrington. Rodney sang his original ballad entitled “Show Them to Me”, in which he praises breasts for their calming and war-ending abilities. During the song’s chorus, the lights go up on the audience – welcoming women and, at times, men to reveal their upper torsos (ie. breasts).

I was quite surprised, elated in fact, that Comedy Central chose not to blur the afore mentioned mammaries. I was especially surprised due to the fact that in the summer of ‘08, Comedy Central’s Secret Stash aired Dave Attel’s Insomniac Tour and blurred the nudity bit. But now, no blur. It was then I realized, the U.S. may just be growing up. Maybe, after hundreds of repressed years, we are finally opening our eyes. Of course, this minor event will not change the populous. Not at first anyway. But much like South Park’s It Hits the Fan, other networks and shows will eventually incorporate nudity, that oh my gosh isn’t indigenous – well, at least not in the strictest sense.

There are of course rules, but they allow for ‘obscene material’ to be broadcasted and viewed within certain hours (10PM-6AM, roughly), so Comedy Central wasn’t breaking any rules or regulations. See for yourself. I ask you, what the fuck is the big deal. Anyone that went to the theatres to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall saw a penis. On the largest screen possible, you saw a penis, not once but twice… penis, penis, penis…… penis. Grow up.

So now, here we sit with a dilemma. What is indigenous, and what is not. Well, if we go back to our simplified definition, it means a learned or characteristic behavior. One could go to New Orleans and produce a documentary on Madri Gras and call the resulting nudity indigenous. Therefore, I bring you the indigenous nudity of Dallas Texas from Rodney Carrington’s Live at the Majestic performance.

There is an underlying point to all this. If you hadn’t noticed, there is an audience around the nakedness. Take a look at their faces. Men and women are laughing, few are embarrassed, very few frown – both sexes take joy and offense to the displays of free will. What does that tell you? It should say to you that everyone has a choice, a moral stance, an inalienable right to do as they so choose, and to enjoy or take offense to what they view. But for the most part, everyone is enjoying themselves. Simply put: if you like it, watch it – and if you do not, change the fucking channel.

Indigenous: It seems funny to me that so many people accept so called ‘indigenous nudity’, and yet are appalled by ‘domestic’ nudity. Is it because their naked flesh is the same color as yours that you rally and congress against it? Must the nudity come from another country to be acceptable? Maybe you (‘you’ meaning everyone) should realize that the world is composed of people, just like yourselves. Nudity is nudity, breasts are breasts, penises are penises(peni?), and vaginas are awesome. No really, vaginas are truly awe inspiring. Everyone reading this article came out of a vagina, the majority of you fed from breasts. Why are they so taboo now? In short, they shouldn’t be. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or appalled by the human form, but you’ve been trained to feel just that way. Strange huh?